My Heart's Aching

Assalamualaikum random readers.

I'm here again as I've got no mood to write in my main blog.So here I am typing on this blog where no one reads it.

Lately,I have been in a dilemma as I have gotten more involved in  human relationships.

I have a crush on a girl.

Another girl have crush on me.

I don't know how to handle this.

Once upon a time,I told myself that I wouldn't get to involved with humans.As the are scary,evil and cunning.They spoke not of what in their hearts.They treat me like an alien as I am different.

I hate humans.Around me of course.I find no one worthy of my respect.Nor love.But now here I crying my heart out for a girl.
And giving hopes to another that I fear would never be realised.

I have my own feeling towards other humans of course.Because human are social creature in nature.But with my current psychological condition I am afraid to be bonded with anyone.

Even if I love someone.Even if I'm willing to die for her.I cannot be with her.I can stalk her all day.I can watch her from afar everyday.But I cannot just sit beside her.Talk to her.Call her every night.Or be more than just friends.

I'm afraid that they might leave me.They might betray my trust.Today she might say she loves me.But tomorrow? The next ten years?

I know my feeling would change.But it would still be there.When she needs it.

I'm afraid.So afraid.

So long humans.I have decided that everyone would become my friend.No girlfriends.No fucking BFFs.
You all will just lie to me.Just like everyone from before.