Hello everyone.
It's been two years since I last wrote on this blog.
I'm unhappy. I have finally finished my diploma but I got extended for one semester. So I finished on January 2020. Funny that I planned to get engaged on 2020. Which is impossible to achieve now.
I also found a place where I can have an illusion of power through anonimity and clever manipulation.
I got a girlfriend after a series of getting ghosted by series of girls I fucked. I must be really bad in bed. This was on the end of October 2019.
But after almost a year together I decided to mutally break u with her. Because I realized that I stil have hung ups over Sabby. I still love her. I still want her. I still want to be with her/ I still want a future with her.
But she rejected me. It seems I was right. People do move on. People get better. Their feeling change over time as they rationalize and justify things that have happened. They move on. They focus on the present. And they keep moving forward.
Unlike me. I ruminate and obsess over every things I did. Wondering where I can change and become a better person. But thing won't be the same after that. I have lost the chance to be the better person toward that person.
And that's what happened with Sabby. I've lost my window of opportunity. The expiry date is long past due now.
I just miss her. The cuddly little teddy bear I wanted to cuddle every night. The small, sexy piece of ass that I will compare to everyone else I met after.
I don't just miss her. I need her. I need her to live.
I'm seriously considering suicide. But I can't tell this to anyone because they'll just tell me it's not worth it. That I'm being stupid. That my pain will end.
Well. It hasn't ended. I'm still in deep deep pain. And all I think that maybe the end of the tunnel isn't when I change. Maybe it's when I finally die.I had actually planned my eventual suicide. It's set 58 year from now.
I talk about that more later.
btw I got a job in an Econsave at Bukit Gambir. At first I was a receiving store clerk but now I'm just a fresh department staff. Cutting meat for a lving. And packing fruits.And I'm okay with that. It's just that I want to go meet Sabby. But my days off are rare.
I'm planning to get a job in JB and try to reconnect with her. My words alone won't be enough. I have to rpove my earnest intentions through actions.
And that's all from me folks. I inform you guys later if I succeed or not.
It's been two years since I last wrote on this blog.
I'm unhappy. I have finally finished my diploma but I got extended for one semester. So I finished on January 2020. Funny that I planned to get engaged on 2020. Which is impossible to achieve now.
I also found a place where I can have an illusion of power through anonimity and clever manipulation.
I got a girlfriend after a series of getting ghosted by series of girls I fucked. I must be really bad in bed. This was on the end of October 2019.
But after almost a year together I decided to mutally break u with her. Because I realized that I stil have hung ups over Sabby. I still love her. I still want her. I still want to be with her/ I still want a future with her.
But she rejected me. It seems I was right. People do move on. People get better. Their feeling change over time as they rationalize and justify things that have happened. They move on. They focus on the present. And they keep moving forward.
Unlike me. I ruminate and obsess over every things I did. Wondering where I can change and become a better person. But thing won't be the same after that. I have lost the chance to be the better person toward that person.
And that's what happened with Sabby. I've lost my window of opportunity. The expiry date is long past due now.
I just miss her. The cuddly little teddy bear I wanted to cuddle every night. The small, sexy piece of ass that I will compare to everyone else I met after.
I don't just miss her. I need her. I need her to live.
I'm seriously considering suicide. But I can't tell this to anyone because they'll just tell me it's not worth it. That I'm being stupid. That my pain will end.
Well. It hasn't ended. I'm still in deep deep pain. And all I think that maybe the end of the tunnel isn't when I change. Maybe it's when I finally die.I had actually planned my eventual suicide. It's set 58 year from now.
I talk about that more later.
btw I got a job in an Econsave at Bukit Gambir. At first I was a receiving store clerk but now I'm just a fresh department staff. Cutting meat for a lving. And packing fruits.And I'm okay with that. It's just that I want to go meet Sabby. But my days off are rare.
I'm planning to get a job in JB and try to reconnect with her. My words alone won't be enough. I have to rpove my earnest intentions through actions.
And that's all from me folks. I inform you guys later if I succeed or not.
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